In January, I took a leap of faith and signed up for The Big Ready, hosted by Mike Vardy, aka The Productivityist. To best describe it, I’ll pull straight from the event page:
“The aim of this event is to bring together those that want to improve their ability to align their intentions – the things they need and want to do – with their attention so that they can find their way forward. ”
from The Big Ready event listing
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But lots of people asked me why I was signing up for this event because to most folks it seems like I already do a lot. That’s true, I have been doing a lot. In less than a year, in addition to my day job, I went from doing burlesque to doing burlesque and stand-up comedy, to doing burlesque, stand-up comedy, and tech (sound and lighting). Then I added show production and threw in emceeing and drag for good measure.
So why was I doing this? In a word: focus. I have been getting close to embarking on my next project and I wanted to make sure I could focus on it. I knew I would need the right mindset and the right framework to approach it.
My next project is BIG for me.
It’s going to pull from all the ways I have been storytelling for the past few years — writing, burlesque, and stand-up — and I have challenged myself with a tight but achievable timeline. I initially had the concept for this floating around in my head as a big picture in-the-next-five-years kind of thing but while chatting with Mike (after I’d already signed up for The Big Ready) he pitched a concept that was so close to what I’d already been envisioning that I knew this was the Universe shoving me out of the nest. It is time to fly.
I then spent February proving to myself that if I was conscious and careful with my time management, I could schedule an awful lot into a single month and get it done. I did A LOT in Feburary. In one 10 day stretch alone I finished edits on my YA manuscript and sent it off for a critique, spent an afternoon being a photographer for a great group of burlesque folks, co-hosted/co-tech/and co-produced a burlesque show, performed in and was also photographer for another show, edited both sets of photos, performed drag, emceed another show, then basically collapsed. Aside from my body telling me I did maybe a little too much in that timespan, I felt really good about it.
I arrived at the Big Ready on Saturday — on Leap Day, February 29th — pretty much ready: ready to listen, ready to challenge myself, ready to do something Big and ready to be Big(ger). I’m already pretty Big, despite what my anxieties sometimes tell me.
I wasn’t disappointed.
Miss Rosie Bitts, who taught me burlesque, always says that she never knows what the mix of students will be in her classes but, “it’s always the right people at the right time,” and I would contend that the same could be said about the people in that room this weekend. It was a cross-section of people who were the right people at the right time to hear what was said and to experience the connections.
Mike drew from people he had met at conferences over the past decade and a few personal friends to curate a day-long* event that was intimate, informative, and inspirational.
Each speaker had a unique approach — there was even a live recording of The Productivityist podcast after lunch — and the subjects flowed from one to the next with ease. Each speaker told a story that spoke to us in different ways. I left with seven and a half pages of handwritten notes to review. The morning was more about mindset: how to find the right perspective to approach something big. The afternoon was more about framework: tools and techniques that make it easier to manage something big.
Several speakers echoed similar sentiments like what can happen when we make connections; not being afraid to fail; building habits that shift perspective; and the importance of being kind to yourself by keeping your health (both body and mind) in focus while pushing hard at a project or goal.
In all honesty, most of what I heard was not new, but hearing them together as the person I am now meant the impact was different. Me from 20 years ago would have walked away with a completely different set of notes. I was the right person in the right room at the right time.
One of my aHa moments came when Marc and Angel asked us each to think of and write down a truth — something we believe to be true of ourselves — and then to challenge that truth by asking some questions. The truth I wrote down was that “I don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do.” Even as I was writing it I was reminding myself of what I had accomplished in the previous few weeks, but the aHa came when I was challenged to ask myself, “Who are you when you think that truth?” and my notes admitted, “resentful of my 9 to 5.” OOF.
Suddenly I felt the weight of that oft-repeated “truth” — it was robbing me of any joy I could find at my day job while not contributing anything to the rest of my life. It’s also not true. Not at all. I am regularly asked, “how the hell do you do so much?” I am constantly juggling and prioritizing and making decisions about what is important that month, that week, that day. For February it meant giving myself permission to not go to any open mics to do comedy but instead using that time to either rest or get things done that I’d committed to. So I intend to banish that truth from here on out because it is not reflected by my reality.
The other aHa moment that surprised me came from Russel Lolacher — someone I know very well and who has inspired me in the past; his Year of Yes had prompted my own. He talked about the importance of committing to a choice – there’s really no point in waffling and weighing the pros and cons for weeks or months, because at a certain point all it does is add stress and waste time: the best choice is the one you make.
I immediately thought of my tattoo that says, “it’s just another Kobayashi Maru, toots” which I got to remind me that sometimes there is NO GOOD CHOICE so just make one and get on with it. I realized I already knew this and that Russel and I had probably even discussed it before — but in that room, at that moment, it lodged itself like a blow-dart in my neck; I felt the truth of it. I do sometimes waffle. I have gotten better at reminding myself that “finished is better than perfect” but I tend to apply that to projects I’m already in the midst of; I need to learn how to apply that mindset when I am decision-making. It doesn’t mean blindly leaping at things as much as just accepting that the only bad choice is not to make one.
There’s lots more reflection to do but all in all, I’m ready.
I’ve already made some commitments that I need to follow through but then I am going to be scaling back for a bit publicly while I get on with some of the work on this new project. I’m also pondering a retreat to get some of this done so if you have suggestions for a place with good wifi where I can seclude myself for a week in May/June, leave a comment or get in touch. While I believe in being accountable, I am not blogging about the details of this Big Project yet. For now, just know a handful of people who are important to me know what it is and that I am already working toward it.
endnote: * the full event included a VIP intensive on the Sunday which I did not attend.