mea culpa

End of the line.

2015 will hold an immense amount of change, paperwork, liquidation, and all the other fallout that divorce brings.

After a tense, teary, cathartic end to a roller-coaster of recent tension, Shawn left the house last night and I eventually drifted off to sleep. Less than two hours later, I got up to eat some cereal. There was a text message and a prompt I’d been tagged in a comment.

“... then Cheryl will tell everyone what she did.”

His words in a comment on a post about great changes coming. So what did I do?

I hurt him.

I knew I was wrong. I knew my actions were wrong. I knew keeping it quiet for so long was more wrong. I also knew when I finally put the cards on the table that this outcome was inevitable. We’d been down similar roads before and come back, bruised but healing. Not so much this time.

meā culpā, meā culpā, meā maximā culpā

Shawn has a safe landing: Erin. The two of them are deeply in love and they will be able to rebuild where Shawn and I could not.

I want to be absolutely clear: I am in no way the victim, Shawn is. Erin is in no way the homewrecker. This marriage has been down more rough road than most of you know and I am the one who sought a back exit out. I did so through layers of lies and subterfuge. I do not wish to rehash the sordid details in public.

To those of you who have been pulled into this in any way, I apologize. To those of you who have been hurt, I apologize. To those who are confused, and want to talk, don’t hesitate to reach out.