I launched into the year on unstable footing. I almost immediately broke up with one partner because of politics — and that political situation festered like an ulcerated sore until it was finally excised in March, but in its wake left both physical and emotional damage.
Among the physical effects was near catastrophic hair loss from alopecia. So bad that I opted to have it shaved off in April — on stage, because I’m extra that way. Emotionally there was the grief that follows a social circle being shattered through broken trust.
I debuted a new burlesque number at Wet Coast Burlesque presents Buglesque in the spring then was invited to be an alumni guest performer at Brand New Boobies in June with the same number. That was enough to keep me going until my big birthday. After my birthday I did the act one more time and discovered it is now a “fan favourite” – my Fly act is more talked about than any of my other acts.
I knew I wanted to do something big for my 50th. I ended up booking the VEC and having a big party that included a small burlesque show (six acts). It became a turning point for my year and was worth every dollar I spent on it (as much as I would have spent to travel somewhere).
In July I started focusing on writing material for stand up and on the first Monday in August, got up at the open mic for the first time. After that, I never really slowed down.
After a few years of getting a “fall cold” I finally accepted this year that I have developed seasonal allergies — typically late August to early October I am sinus-challenged because of something environmental.
Despite hellish sinuses, I soldiered on and in the fall debuted the first Greasy the Clown burlesque act at the Showdown and also took part in Comedy Smash the Patriarchy — a fundraising comedy event that was truly magical and empowering in every way. I also ended the year being included in the lineup for the local showcases at Heckler’s — still a pretty magical night but in a very different way.
The fall was bumpy in its own ways but overall calmer — until I hit burnout in mid-December. I was still out and about but my social battery hit zero levels and has yet to fully recharge. Burn out is probably why I spent New Year’s Eve nursing a head cold.
At work, the Digitization Lab won a very big award and on the union front, I threw my name in the hat as a steward.
In my “spare time” I spent a lot of my year on stage or backstage — I was stage manager for several Varied Extravaganzas and I learned to do tech (sound and lights) for burlesque and variety shows at the Victoria Event Center. In fact, the VEC was my second home last year; some weeks I spent as many as four days/evenings in that building.
I was welcomed into the stand up comedy community and while I have a long way to go, I can do three to five minutes of material with relative ease. I took it up because it seemed like something that I could do and while my first set came fairly easily, when I came to grips with having to keep writing material I understood why it was harder than it looks. Whether you start with an idea, a story, or a punchline writing comedy is essentially the act of cutting away extra words and phrases until you are at the essence of the joke. It’s very good practice as writing goes and I’ve promised myself a full year before I make the decision to keep it up or walk away. Feel free to check in with me this summer.
I also dove deeper into the queer community and have found that I love being in spaces that are not just inclusive but agressively queer positive — including the local drag scene. I have fully adopted “queer” as my favourite personal descriptor and have actively sought out more non-hetero pairings and non-traditional relationships. I am still not monogamous but have settled more into Relationship Anarchy, working hard to train myself away from labelling every relationship. Some of them just don’t fit under any standard heading. (Honestly, I’ve met so many people who cross various boundaries and defy the boxes society uses and it just fills my heart with hope and joy for future generations).
2019 brought with it heartbreak, heartache, unrequited love and derailed relationships. It also brought deeper friendships and new possibilities and I remain hopeful for the future despite feeling like this year didn’t fully deliver the kind of emotional fulfillment and stability I’d hoped to find.
Oh, and there is that word, “stability.” At the end of 2018, I had hoped for stability and got the opposite. I got upheaval and new passions. I got bogged down and sidetracked. I got unexpected bills and unexpected invitations to try new things. I found a muse that spun me off into new creative realms.
And six months after shaving the last of my hair that I thought was gone for good, it has mostly grown back plus I have a mountain of wigs to use as I please to change my look.
If you’d asked me in April how my year was going I would have told you it sucked but the year turned itself around soon after the end of that month — after shaving my head and after walking away from a toxic circle of folks. In the end, I’m chalking 2019 up as a win.
Considering I entered the last decade in the deepest depression I’ve experienced and have come out not just “still standing” but very much stronger and so much more authentic is a testament to my own determination (stubbornness?), to therapy, to the support of true friends, and so much more. Being born in 1969, my age decades closely align to the decades themselves and my 40s were, in a word, transformative — think caterpillar to butterfly (complete with the goo-filled cocoon in the middle) and you have a pretty accurate view.
I’m not going to assign any word or theme for the coming year or decade, but I feel like my 50s are already shaping up to be pretty amazing. I’ll be kicking off the year with taking some firearms training classes and then producing and emceeing a burlesque show.
I know this was long, but 2019 felt like a couple of years shoehorned into one. To all who stuck it out with me or joined me along the way, thank you and I hope you’ll continue to stick around and see what unfolds.