When equal isn’t

Ah, Valentine’s Day.  Many were the years I got one or two or maybe just a small handful of cards, from my closest friends. Rare were the secret admirer cards aside from those few that were meant to instill a false sense of hope in my dorky, younger self. (You remember the drill: the popular kids talked the best looking guy in class to putting a mushy Valentine card into the tissue-box-turned-mailbox belonging to the least popular kid. Cruel, yes, but common.)

(Un)fortunately, my daughter will never get that false sense of elation; nor will she know the true feeling of friendship, treasuring that handful of genuine Valentines from those closest to her.

You see, now it’s required that children bring one-for-everybody or none-at-all. It’s been that way for a while, and up until this year, Kiddo didn’t think much of it. Now on the edge of her tenth birthday, Kiddo has crushes, BFFs, and frienemies and she is questioning why she has to give everyone a card. It certainly isn’t a reflection of reality and I cannot see where it actually helps kids in the long run. I suppose it saves some tears but do we learn any less through pain than celebration?

I have a nasty suspicion it’s the parents’ doing. Whether it’s the helicopter nature of some parents, “Why did my Brittney only get twenty-one cards? Aren’t there twenty-seven kids in the class?” or maybe it’s some sort of litigation-protection from the school, “My little Justin is emotionally scarred! He came home in tears because he got fewer cards than his best friend! How could you let this happen?” Of course maybe those are really the same thing.

So, can we get over ourselves, please, and just admit that as parents we are biased to believe that our children are perfect beings? Isn’t it our job to support our kids through whatever they face — whether their Valentine mailbox is overflowing or empty? Let’s start doing that instead of keeping up with the Brittneys and Justins¹.

Remember Ralph Wiggum’s Valentine’s Day? I bet he is going to be just fine when he grows up.

¹I mean no disrespect if your child’s name is Brittney or Justin — “any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely accidental” yadda yadda yadda….