Not So Amusing

I am writing this in response to This American Life asking for people to call in with their stories about amusement parks this week. As a Canadian, I didn’t think it was appropriate (and I don’t know that the toll-free number will work cross-border) so I am writing it out instead.

I don’t “do” amusement parks. I love them — I love the lights and the sounds and the garish displays — but most of the rides are off limits to me because I get ridiculously motion sick. I’m also afraid of heights but have managed to climb on the ferris wheel a few times. There was a time, as a teen, when I thought I could still just use mind over matter to get through the rides. Not so.

Let me take you back to the end of summer the year I was 15. I and a few of my friends decided to attend the Saanich Fair, an annual agricultural fair that includes a midway area. On and off through junior high and high school I had a crush on one of my friends (well, I had lots of crushes, but one friend was a “repeat customer” on my crush list more than any others). For the sake of both my embarrassment and his, I shall refer to him here as Xavier. His name is not Xavier; he was among the half dozen or so friends with whom I was attending the fair.

On arriving at the fair, we skipped the agricultural displays and headed straight to the midway where Xavier says, “I want to ride THAT.” I follow his pointing finger and see some spinning, lifting, stomach-turning creation called, “The Spider.” Every cell in my body wants to run the other way and I am sure I protested but somehow (likely after some not-so-subtle peer-pressure) I ended up on that ride in a car with one of my friends as Xavier and another friend climbed into the other car on the same arm.

Here’s a video that shows how it works — as you can see, it starts out slow then ramps up so that the cars spin on the arms while the arms are spinning and moving up and down:

I know. Great idea for someone who gets motion sick right? Well, while it was at its worst, heaving me all over the place, I was screaming. Not, “Wooooo!” screaming but “Ohmygod-I’m-going-to-die!” screaming. As my brain was sloshing around inside my skull and I could no longer see straight, I was certain that I was not getting off that ride alive. So I did what everyone does in that situation, I decided to say what I felt needed to be said before I died.

“I LOVE YOU, XAVIER!!!,” I screamed, trying to be sure that he heard me in the other car on that arm. I think he must have because as the cars continued to spin, I am certain I saw him laughing.

After what seemed like an eternity, the ride slowed to a stop. We climbed out and one of my friends must have helped me out of the ride enclosure because the world was still spinning. I was vaguely aware of Xavier laughing as he asked everyone else if they had heard my declaration. We all paused near a trash can and suddenly Xavier looked at me and stopped laughing.

“Jeeeeesus. I’ve never seen anyone actually turn green before. Are you OK?”

If I were writing that scene for a movie, my character would take this as a cue to upchuck on Xavier. Alas, I was somewhat more considerate and was able to turn and heave my lunch into the nearby trashcan.