I can’t fully look forward without looking back, so I will start with wise words from Frazey Ford that helped to keep my head above water through the middle of 2015. “My joy takes nothing from you” is one of the lyrics in her amazing anthem, Done. Haven’t heard it? Here:
Now, the situation was not the same but I left a relationship. I did not like the person I’d become over the previous 18 years and in a very emotional and probably too public snap, everything ended early in January. Courts willing, we’ll be divorced in a few weeks’ time.
I got help through a wonderful therapist, and I let go of a lot. I let go of stuff, I let go of some toxic emotions, and I let go of some very bad habits. I started re-writing my own story. And then I got the news about Dona — 2015 was not done handing out stressful events — she was gone by October. The top five stressful life events are: death of a loved one, divorce, moving, major illness, and job loss. I weathered three and a half of those five through the year — the half being a significant change in my job (new title, reorganized reporting structure and change in work space); I also started my own freelance company.
Late in December, someone asked me if I could delete any year from my life what year I would choose. I presume they were thinking I’d choose 2015 — but the year was full of good, too. All that letting go? Amazing; truly life-changing! My trip to San Francisco? Life-affirming! And the doors I opened to Shamanism and spirituality? Eye-opening and uplifting! I told them I would fight them to keep every single year, the ups and the downs, because they got me to where I am.
Last year, I tried to choose a word to guide me through the year — I chose focus — and I think I did focus on my own mental health, on supporting kiddo, and on finding my way forward. This year, I’m not going to pick a word, or make any typical resolutions, but I will make this promise:
I promise to live my life openly, authentically,
and to the fullest.
I know that I never want to go back to being the person I was a few years ago, even a year ago; I am no longer that person. I know that, going forward, I do not need to apologize for living my life in the way that works best for me. I owe no one an explanation and my happiness is not anyone else’s concern (and, back to Frazey, my joy takes nothing from you). And I am going to try to embrace that year of yes I’ve been delaying.
I thank you all for being with me through this meat grinder of a year and hope that you’ll stick around to see how 2016 unfolds.