Yesterday, as part of my Year of Yes, I auditioned for a play. It was pretty much a whim at first — a friend had posted the call and I just thought the play looked fun. I was told to prepare a short monologue, which I did — and I rocked that — but before we went in, we were also told there would be a cold read of part of the script. As I read through, I realized that meant I would need to demonstrate classic exotic dance moves which would have been easier if (a) I had practiced something in a mirror and (b) I wasn’t fighting a very sore back.
I almost chickened out. Before I left the house. Then again as I sat in the parking lot, texting a friend that I was freaking out (they told me “You got this!”). Then several times as I sat in the Green Room feeling very out of my league as all the other people knew each other from local theatre and one of which I am sure I have seen on stage. I also glanced at the form I had to fill out. Most recent experience…. um…. that would be our Fringe play in the summer of 2000. Special stage skills? none. Vocal range? *glances at exit* no clue. Member of ACTRA? *outburst of laughter inside my head*
But, I was going to do this. I posted a photo of myself sitting there (a photo I actually kind of love), reading the script and trying to figure out how best to approach it… and before long, I was called in for my turn.
I performed my monologue — and I nailed it. I even managed to scare up some real tears at the end. The cold read was much harder. I had difficulty reading and making eye contact with the audience (director and playwright) and the dancing… well, I have no clue how half-assed that came out like. =shrugs=
I was told right away that my choice in monologue was “ballsy”(see my rehearsal below) and that they’d let me know in a day or two what the decision was.
Tonight they called and let me know that they went with someone else but the director did say “there was so much you did that we just loved,” and they hoped to see me in more local theatre. I also got a lot of complements from friends who’ve never really seen or knew I acted — and let’s be honest, my roles, once I left junior high, were few and far between. But it was nice to be reminded that I am a good storyteller with other people’s words as well as my own.
The hardest part of the whole thing was the 40 minutes between arriving in the parking lot and being called into the room to audition. My brain pulled out every dirty trick to discredit my skills and abilities. Impostor syndrome was on full tilt. Anxiety was pretty high. I was at least glad my stomach was full so it wasn’t growling or distracting in any way. I was worried, too, that I’d dressed wrong — everyone else was dressed conservatively or casually whereas I was trying to channel the character — a retired exotic dancer living in a trailer park up-island — so I wore a garish cleavage revealing top, and strappy heels. It did help me get into the character…. and I did beat my brain back with a stick. It was difficult though. Until I was done. Then the waiting to see if I got it, not hard at all. The rejection? Also fine — others were far more bummed than I was.
So.. is this something I will do more often? We’ll see… but now I think others know that I am willing to be out there and try, so we’ll see what the universe offers.
My rehearsal run through of my monologue — outside the theatre about 5 minutes before going inside. Be warned, there is, as the film censors say, “adult themes and language” in this piece.
Hooray for you! 😀