Likely you’ve heard me rant or at least roll my eyes over the endless online campaigns of “wear x to support y.” Wear pink, blue, yellow, red, to support anti-bullying, autism, prostate cancer, AIDS. It’s not that I am dismissing the core concept, it’s that most people will just lemming along and not know or care why; it’s easy to throw on a t-shirt, it’s not so easy to have conversations and educate people. It’s also cheap — in most cases, you can wear whatever t-shirt you have on hand. In some cases, it has become “automatic” and expected — that if you don’t wear x, you are clearly part of the problem.
North Americans have been doing this for many years, but originally, there was a donation aspect. Think of the Veterans’ Poppy Fund — to get the poppy pin, you donate. This is why when young crafty hipsters started making felt or fabric poppies to “support the cause” the Veterans’ associations understandably became angry — because suddenly crafters and not Veterans were receiving the money. Many crafters now state that they will donate all or a portion of their proceeds to Veterans’ associations.
Then there was “Jeans Day” which was a way for offices to give their staff a “perk” of dressing down for the day in support of BC Children’s hospital — to wear jeans, you were also expected to wear a button or lapel pin which cost $5 or $20 respectively. This meant you were giving to the cause, and showing it. It became obvious, however, that lots of people would dress down without buying the pin — they’d look good, without doing anything.
Now, in many cases, that’s what wear x to support y boils down to — a lot of slacktivism from people who aren’t doing anything tangible to support the cause.
Me and my red lips on April 1st. #RedMyLips
So, when I saw the #RedMyLips campaign to wear lipstick to “raise awareness about sexual violence and SPEAK OUT against victim-blaming” throughout April [emphasis theirs], I decided to join in. Now I know many people will join in and just wear lipstick all month, but I’ve decided to blog about it and to share thoughts and facts on social media. Why lipstick? The same reason there are slutwalks in many cities, lipstick is something that can be seen as “slutty” along with high heels, short skirts, or cleavage-revealing tops. It’s a way to reclaim the right to dress however we feel comfortable.
So what exactly is victim-blaming? If you’ve ever considered what someone was wearing, where she was walking, or whether she was under the influence of any substance to be reason enough, or at least to have contributed to her being raped, you are victim-blaming. And yes, I am going to stand by that — I’ve been guilty of it in the past and if I can change that habit, so can you. I’m not going to dig in to the whole “behind closed doors” thing and the concept of “blanket consent” in BDSM relationships, but for more than 99% of the population, sex without consent is rape (yes, male or female — but this campaign is focused on women). Consent is simple; if you don’t understand, read this great blog post about consenting to a cup of tea.
Basically, it doesn’t make a difference if she was wearing a snowsuit or a string bikini, if she did not consent, it’s rape. While we can debate whether it was risky to walk down a certain alley or into a particular bar, it does not change the fact that if she did not consent to sex, she was raped. And we can all think of those times when alcohol or drugs were not our friends as far as decision-making goes. If you can’t get consent from someone when sober, you cannot accept at face value consent given when drunk/stoned/etc.
Most of the studies I looked at ballpark that one in four or even one in three women in Canada will be sexually assaulted or raped in their lifetime. Let’s fix that — and until we can fix it, let’s not blame them, OK?
More information:
Red My Lips and Red My Lips — Facebook Event
Measuring Violence Against Women: Statistical Trends – Key Findings.
Be More than a Bystander campaign – statistics