A friend recently completed a “year of yes” — I watched from a safe distance across social media channels as he bravely took steps outside his comfort zone, attending events, trying new things, and going places he might not have otherwise gone.
I’ll admit, while I felt nervous for him, I wondered, “could I ever do that?”
Saying yes has been a difficult thing for me. My default is so often “no” — usually “no, because..” and sometimes I’ll throw in a “maybe” but change it to no later. This is especially true of social situations. I know some of that was amplified by the depression but a lot of it is also introversion and just default inertia — Wanna go out? Nah, I already took my bra off. I’m good.
Well, now my life is in flux and I have a certain amount of time that will be otherwise unencumbered. I don’t want to just slip into couch potato permanence, and since I have no plan to throw my hat into the dating ring any time soon, I figure this might be a good way to get to know and to grow my circle of friends.
I have thought a lot about what kind of limits I might add to my year of yes and, aside from the obvious, I don’t want to draw too much of a box around things. I managed to limit my limits to just five:
- illegal activities (no, I will not join you on that heist, not even dressed in Firefly garb)
- conquering my fears (e.g. heights; this is not the right venue for those challenges)
- financially prohibitive activities (I probably cannot afford a flight to New Zealand, for example, but I wouldn’t rule out Seattle or Vegas; I do have a valid passport.)
- conflicts with prearranged plans or responsibilities (I won’t ditch work, bail on kiddo, or juggle already-scheduled commitments, but if there is room in my calendar or if room can be made, I will do it. (I figure this will allow me to schedule in some “alone time” to deal with introvert overload.)
- dangerous activities or those I know are outside my current ability (i.e. there is no way I am ready to run a marathon this year and I am not going to try stunt driving like Zoe Bell.)
So what am I hoping to get out of this? Pretty much what Russel outlined in his post — experiences, surprises (though I’ll be honest, this one is going to be tough for me; I am not good with surprises, but I am looking at this more in the realm of learning to be flexible and go with the flow), and new or renewed connections.
While his post prompted this one, I’ve actually been thinking about it for a very long time — even before he started his year of yes, simply because yes is such a difficult thing for me. Before everything hit the wall in January, Shawn and I had talked about doing this on a smaller scale: a Day of Yes or a weekend maybe, where we each nudged the other outside comfort zones. Heck, that might still happen in some fashion.
As I sit here now, though, I think I need full scale. Go big or go home, right? I have some big stuff to deal with in the near future and my schedule is a mess right now, but I am thinking my birthday at the end of June — midway through the calendar year — is as good a time as any to kick it off, but consider this post a “soft launch.”
I’m not looking to “bucket list” big things; I am happy to start small. Need someone to watch a scary movie with? Ask. Wanna go for a walk? I’ll grab my shoes. Itching to check out that new restaurant? Try me. Need a fourth for your golf game? I might suck, but I’ll join you (actually I like golf, but never seem to schedule it in). Karaoke? If you insist; I take no responsibilities for your ears. Want me to take belly dancing with you? EEP! If it is within my budget, schedule, and at a beginners level, I guess I’m in!
In case you are thinking I’ve lost my marbles, this also ties into my spirituality search — through that search, I’m already saying Yes to things I wouldn’t have six months ago — and it ties in to taking advantage of my current state of mind, open to change and exploring options.
The quote at the top from Tina Fey? I admire her and I believe that she has been able to move ahead in a large part by embracing that attitude. Similarly, there is the Japanese proverb, “the bamboo which bends is stronger than the oak which resists.” It’s about being flexible, adaptable, and positive; three things I have struggled with. I want to learn to be less like Cameron and more like Ferris.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it